Alban's Blog

The famous “Hole” after a big date…

Do you know this feeling of falling into some kind of hole after having finished something important? I used to have this feeling after finishing high-school, after youth-competitions, after my first concerts, and now, since concerts have become a more frequent occurrence and I can’t afford to fall into holes all the time (as much as I would love to), the magic hole only opens for the most stressful events.Obviously, for me playing with the orchestra of my father was such a big thing, and since I was lucky and had 8 days nothing right afterwards, I allowed myself to enjoy the “hole” to its full extent. You don’t know what I am talking about? Well, it’s just a mix of feelings: on the one hand it’s the happiness and fulfillment of having accomplished something and having got something difficult over with, and on the other hand it’s a feeling of great emptiness, almost stirring towards depression.

The energy, the creativity and the drive one experiences while doing something on such level is almost addictive, and as relieved one might feel after completion, we want this feeling back, want to repeat this incredible sensation of sitting in front of one of the greatest orchestras of all time. But life goes on and I think I developed over the years a strategy of how to even enjoy the hole – by not doing any work, by just allowing yourself things you had to deny yourself before: sleeping in, reading, meeting long lost friends, being infinitely lazy, eating too much, going to theatre, movies, concerts – no practising, no paying bills, no “career” stuff, nothing of such sort.

With Walter Weller after concert in TrondheimAnd after being idle for a week I suddenly felt that I had left the hole behind me, went into the basement and practised some Haydn – which I just performed last night with Walter Weller and the Trondheim Symphony Orchestra in Norway. Lovely orchestra, hung out with some of the musicians until late at night, slept two and a half hours before taking the bus to the airport (at 4:50 am – what a nightmare), just to sit here now in Copenhague to wait for the connecting flight back to Berlin.

Why so early? Because I am taking my son and my brother-in-law Mathias to go sailing in Sweden, and we are leaving this afternoon! The weather is promising to be gorgeous, sun and wind, and it will be a strong male bonding experience ๐Ÿ™‚ He has this beautiful old wooden sailing boat (with 6 beds), and since I always wanted to learn how to sail (used to windsurf as a teenager) I will fulfill this dream over the weekend. Actually we wanted to sail the boat down to Germany, but he was afraid we hadn’t enough time to do so because of my departure to the US on Wednesday. Too bad, will have to deal with the 12 hour travel back and fourth…

Comments

  • Josh Rappaport from Harrisburg Pennsylvania

    But why did you stay late at night with the musicians? What was Sweden like?

    Reply
  • Alban

    After performances it is kind of sad to go immediately to bed – I am looking for the contact of fellow musicians, so that’s why I stayed up a bit later than I should have. And Sweden? I was in Norway, and that was really lovely, just a bit cold – in a couple of hours I am going to drive to Sweden, and I am sure it will be spectacular!

    Reply
  • George

    The “hole” definitely comes around after big events…I have learned to go with the flow and not stress about it…don’t worry about will I be able to get back..to where I was musically or technically..each event is different..we have amazing reservoirs of energy, skill and drive that always get us “back up” and ready for action!!! Best Regards!!

    Reply
  • Alban

    Exactly, very well put, George, it’s just about not worrying and let it pass, the “hole” is not there for ever! But while replying to you I realize that it might be even very important to embrace it, since it might be a way of our body and brain to ask for a rest, to re-charge the batteries in a way. What do you think? People who tend to keep going and going and going tend to burn out at some point. And if they don’t burn out, they just might have nothing to say after a while, because their hearts are gone…

    Reply
  • George

    Yes…definitely, the “hole” is our way of resting the mind, body and spirit so we can continue to go back and “get up” again, and again…good food, wine,family and friends with whom we can really just be our private selves, …visting someplace new, hanging out in nature..meditation, exercise are all necessary..great statement about burnout and what happens if one doesn’t take breaks…sometimes after big events…I don’t even think about or have the urge to play…My cello sits there and I see it every day…We take a break…we always welcome each other back and re-connect like very very close friends when it is time to work again…In my earlier days I used to put so much guilt on myself if I didn’t play or practice regularly…how unproductive that was…Not to get too esoteric..but the relationship with our instruments is special and unique for each of us..I would be interested to hear other’s accounts of similar ideas and how they live with their musicianship and it’s context within their lives. Best Regards to all

    Reply

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