Do you know this feeling of falling into some kind of hole after having finished something important? I used to have this feeling after finishing high-school, after youth-competitions, after my first concerts, and now, since concerts have become a more frequent occurrence and I can’t afford to fall into holes all the time (as much as I would love to), the magic hole only opens for the most stressful events.Obviously, for me playing with the orchestra of my father was such a big thing, and since I was lucky and had 8 days nothing right afterwards, I allowed myself to enjoy the “hole” to its full extent. You don’t know what I am talking about? Well, it’s just a mix of feelings: on the one hand it’s the happiness and fulfillment of having accomplished something and having got something difficult over with, and on the other hand it’s a feeling of great emptiness, almost stirring towards depression.
The energy, the creativity and the drive one experiences while doing something on such level is almost addictive, and as relieved one might feel after completion, we want this feeling back, want to repeat this incredible sensation of sitting in front of one of the greatest orchestras of all time. But life goes on and I think I developed over the years a strategy of how to even enjoy the hole – by not doing any work, by just allowing yourself things you had to deny yourself before: sleeping in, reading, meeting long lost friends, being infinitely lazy, eating too much, going to theatre, movies, concerts – no practising, no paying bills, no “career” stuff, nothing of such sort.
And after being idle for a week I suddenly felt that I had left the hole behind me, went into the basement and practised some Haydn – which I just performed last night with Walter Weller and the Trondheim Symphony Orchestra in Norway. Lovely orchestra, hung out with some of the musicians until late at night, slept two and a half hours before taking the bus to the airport (at 4:50 am – what a nightmare), just to sit here now in Copenhague to wait for the connecting flight back to Berlin.
Why so early? Because I am taking my son and my brother-in-law Mathias to go sailing in Sweden, and we are leaving this afternoon! The weather is promising to be gorgeous, sun and wind, and it will be a strong male bonding experience 🙂 He has this beautiful old wooden sailing boat (with 6 beds), and since I always wanted to learn how to sail (used to windsurf as a teenager) I will fulfill this dream over the weekend. Actually we wanted to sail the boat down to Germany, but he was afraid we hadn’t enough time to do so because of my departure to the US on Wednesday. Too bad, will have to deal with the 12 hour travel back and fourth…